Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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