we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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