I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
