well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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