Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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