she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
