he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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