I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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