she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
