he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize