don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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