what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Drunk is a universal language darling
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
