who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
