Moan for me like Helen Keller
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
