My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
