Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
