Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
