Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Did I show you my penis last night?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
