Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
