I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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