i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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