Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
