the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
