I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Who wears a wallet chain?!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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