Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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