6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
