i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
