Your favorite bartender is back from prision
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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