apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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