Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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