Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
