what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
