I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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