Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
