Only a mothe r could love this liver
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize