Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
