Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
