You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
