i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
