My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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