hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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