so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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