There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
