I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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