sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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