Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
