the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize