I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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