why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it glows. i had to have it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
