don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
