This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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