hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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