He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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