Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
just found out that she named her cat after me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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