I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
