I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
