WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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