You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
