He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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