We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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