you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
