yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
