it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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