I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
